Don't Speak
by DarkEyes
Summary: 1st Chp. Missing thoughts from "Hello Goodbye" 'cuz it made me wanna cry. (M/L shipper, as if I would write anything else)
1. Poison

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~DON'T SPEAK~

By: Dark Eyes

-Rating: PG13 for language & "thematic elements" (I always wanted to say that)

-Disclaimer: Yes, I own them. All of them. Especially my boy Logan (grins evilly). So sue me! I own nothing but my car anyway & unfortunately she's not worth much. 'Sides, we all know the truth, if I really owned them I'd treat them much better than Fox & I'd be able to see them somewhere other than fanfic & video. The title & song however, belong to Gwen Stefani & No Doubt & I claim no rights to them whatsoever as I could never hope to recreate their genius.

-A/N: This is an idea which has been bouncin' around in my head for over a month now. I was on a road trip in the middle of AZ on my way to San Diego w/nothin but empty desert & shimmering heat waves out the window & only country music on the radio (no offense to those who're into that sort of thing) Everybody else in the car was sleeping so it was just me & No Doubt in the car for a good 200 miles. And while this is by no means the only fanfic idea in my head it is the only one ever to have made it to my hard drive, not to mention actually posting online. So bear w/me, my lil' ficlet hasn't even been betaed & I'm new @ this. Besides that my actual original idea (and reason for the title) dosn't show 'till Chp. 3, patience. Also, Jess Thank You so much for your help. Thanx "Lover"! (LOL) K, that said: Shutting up now...

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Chapter 1: "Poison"

My knuckles are white as I hold onto Original Cindy's hand. She doesn't complain even as my fingers dig in, not at my full strength, which would probably shatter her hand but It's definitely hard enough to hurt. Still she lets me. Seems to understand I just need something to hold onto right now. I have this insane feeling like if I let go It'll all be to real to handle, I'll start falling and never stop. 

It's like this incredible pain that starts in my stomach & has the world spinning, images blurring in my mind. 

All I can hear is my own heartbeat, hammering so loudly it's amazing that people haven't started staring. As if I would even notice. And all I keep seeing is Logan's face as he realized what he had done. A look of utter disbelief crossing his features. 

(Flashback: //Max yanks her hand away. Too late. Logan looks first at his hand disbelievingly, then at Max//)

Then the inevitable fear that flashed through his deep blue eyes as he stared into mine just as he crumbled to the floor. I had to fight the irrational instinct to stick out my arms to catch him, break his fall, hold him close, protect him. As if I hadn't done enough to hurt him already. The worst thing was that there _was_ nothing I could do for him. No way for me to ease his pain. As everyone began crowding around him (even Alec, our unfinished conversation forgotten as he rushed back to help Logan) I was pushed aside and all I could do was watch helplessly. Everything happened so fast & yet so slowly. It all just seemed to blur together. 

The entire time I was screaming silently in my head. _"NO! NO! No! No! no! DAMMIT! It wasn't supposed to end like this! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM!!!!!. He's not ready. HE'S NOT FUCKING READY TO DIE!!!!! NO! NO! NO! This can't be happening! NO!!! No!!" _

Dammit Logan why do you have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't you just let me go? 

(Flashback://Logan interrupts Max & Alec's conversation _"Hey guys, what's going on?" _A pause..."_Nothing". _Alec just rolls his eyes _"Yeah. Right. Nothing" _then walks off. Leaving Max alone with Logan and his questioning eyes. _"Max?"_. She looks up from her thoughts. _"I'm beat. I'm gonna...I'm gonna go_". She starts to walk away but Logan steps in her way effectively stopping her. "What was that all about?" Max doesn't want to talk & looks down to avoid his eyes "Nothing it was just... I'm tired". She tries to walk away again. Logan, thinking only that he wants her to stay grabs her arm _"Hey!". _Max yanks her arm away, horrified. But it's too late//) 

If he had just let me go without any questions...But then he wouldn't be Logan, would he? I mentally shake my head at that fact, Logan never could just let things go without digging further, it wouldn't be like him. It's not his fault anyway. No, this is all on me. Me & my fucked up freak show body. Biohazard girlfriend, carrier of a killer virus targeted specifically to kill the one person in this world that I love. Yeah, I admit it I **_love_ **him. And I'm gonna have to live with the fact that **_I'm _**the one who **_murdered_** him! Yeah, that's what you call true love. As if I even really knew anything about that. 

Renfro was right. You're poison Max. _POISON_. And then Alec's words come back to me. The ones I was attempting to shove to the back of my mind as I tried to leave Logan at Crash. 

__

"Unlike you I'm actually trying to do the right thing." "You think the only problem you & Logan have is some genetically engineered virus that'll kill the guy if you touch him?" "Max we don't belong with them" "We're a **danger** to them. When are you gonna finally see that?" "Why don't you just open your eyes?" 

Unbidden the words echo loudly through my mind, the truth so blindingly obvious that it makes me want to cry. _"Danger to them" "Danger" _

I see Logan again as he looked through the window of the emergency room earlier. Still, unmoving. At first 'cuz it hurts too much and then 'cuz he passed out from the pain. He looks nothing like the Logan that I know. His skin is pale & he's broken out in hives all over his body. He's hooked up to a respirator and to a heart monitor who's incessant beeping sounds to me like a taunting countdown to his deadline. An ultimatum. His expressive blue eyes are closed now. He lies on the bed unconscious. Gone. He may never come back. And **_I_** caused this. **_Me_**.Thank God (or the Blue Lady or whatever higher power was watching out today) for Joshua. 

(Flashback://Max: "_How's he doing?" -_Dr. Shankar looks worried & sighs_...-"Don't let him die. Please." _All her hopes hang on this one moment// _"So what about a transfusion?" -_Dr. Shankar considers this- _"it's worth a try. We've got nothing to lose_"// _"If were going to do this you're friend better get here soon. This is the only shot Logan has!"_ -Max looks at her, the despair in her eyes quickly turns into determination.- _"I'll be back!"/_/) 

I don't know what I would've done w/out him. If only I hadn't left him. If I'd stayed with him this never would have happened But the ongoing, rational voice in my head reminds me that such a thought is idiotic, it was only a matter of time until this happened anyway. _"Staying away just one night isn't going to do it Max, just being around him at all is dangerous. How many miracles do you think you're gonna get?" _I mean, despite what Dr. Carr said last time, I still think it was the virus that landed him in the hospital a few months ago. Remembering the familiar feeling of fear that ran through me then I can't help but realize that Logan is just better off without me!! 

And now, it's happened again. Thank Ben's Blue Lady for Joshua. I just hope his transfusion works. Now, all I can do is wait... Wait, and think about how many ways I'm gonna hurt Alec when I find him! _GOD_, I can't believe I was actually counting on **_him_** to come through for me on this. Completely unreliable jerk that he is. Alec.....when I get my hands on him I'm gonna beat him senseless, pound him to a bloody pulp for what he nearly caused Logan! Hell, I'm gonna.....But his words come back to me again... 

__

"Unlike you I'm actually trying to do the right thing" "We're a danger!" His words tangle with Renfro's. _"You always manage to hurt the people you care about" "Your brother Ben...and **him**, Eyes Only"... "Open your eyes Max" ... "Your poison" ..."We're a danger to them"... "DANGER"... "Poison".... "POISON"....._

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Original Cindy's voice breaks into my thoughts. Sounding far away as if it had to travel through a far off tunnel to reach me. 

"It's gonna be alright. You'll see" 

She squeezes my hand reassuringly and I glance at her distractedly, unbelieving and still lost in my thoughts. 

__

"He's a fighter, he's gonna hang on!"

She's always been the one to believe even when I didn't. I just hold on & hope she's right. Now we just have to wait. But I hate waiting without knowing. Just then I hear Dr. Shankar's footsteps as she approaches and we quickly stand up, her face doesn't really tell me much though. She says something and I catch a few words like 

__

"antibodies... friends blood...virus" 

But all I really hear is _"He's gonna make it." _

Then I finally let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding. OC smiles and puts a hand on my shoulder 

__

"You hear that? He's gonna be okay". And she pulls me into a hug. 

Dr. Shankar smiles _"He asked to see you". _

I watch her leave wanting nothing more than to go in there and see for myself that Logan's okay. Wanting.... but instead, I turn back to face Original Cindy 

"I can't go in there" 

I'm just so scared to be near him. Even before, I only saw him through the glass of the window and later from the doorway.- She shakes her head and tries to reason with me 

"He's askin' for you". 

__

"I can't see him...not now!". Then my voice falters as I come to my decision _"Not ever again"_. 

She shakes her head again as if she knows I'm lying to myself. 

__

"You're just sayin' that 'cuz you're upset. You heard the lady, he's gonna be fine". 

__

"This time. But what about next time? No, this has to stop. Tell him...I'm glad he's okay" I mentally slap myself at the inadequacy of the words I offer up in place of my presence, still there is nothing more to say. So, I turn and walk away. 

From Logan. 

To Be Continued...

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A/N #2: K, peeps tell me, how'd I do? Like I said, this is my first fic so I need to know how bad/good it is, where to fix, that sorta thing. Any wise words or just straight up truth would be greatly appreciated. I ain't gonna hold no chapters hostage 'cuz I don't think I can, & I'm still gonna write anyway 'cuz I'm starting to get into it but I don't wanna inflict any unwanted writing on anyone so please, no silent readers. One or two words is all I ask, review box is there, calling to you. Click it!


	2. Don't tell me 'cuz it hurts

A/N: For this chapter (& any others not written in just one characters P.O.V.) anything inside _these marks _ will show a characters thoughts, K?

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~Chapter 2: "Don't tell me 'cuz it hurts"~

The next day Max & Original Cindy are at Jam Pony. 

Sketchy's being Sketchy. _God, why am I here today, should've stayed home and...Hey, who's that fine looking lady? Day's looking up already for the Sketchmeister! Wonder where Alec is, think he knows her, maybe he can put in a good word, man always did have a way with the ladies...Oh, there's Normal, o-kay, I'm looking busy._

And Normal's bipping at everyone. 

"Let's go people, mission bells are ringing!" _For the love of Mike, where did all these lazy rejects crawl out of, a rock? And why is it I'm stuck with the lot of them? Where's Alec? Should've been here by now, not like the rest of these reprobates...Wonder if he's okay? Well, won't you look at that, a miracle, Max is here, on time oddly enough, wonder why she's being so quiet instead of being her usual smart ass self this morning? Oh, well no use worrying, packages won't deliver themselves._ "Bip Bip Bip People!" 

Max & Original Cindy start walking out.

"Logan kept askin' were you were, I didn't know what to say." _What was Original Cindy supposed to do, look into his baby blues and break his lil' heart as I say "I'm sorry Logan but my boo's having' some mental problems right now, thinkin' she gonna break up wit' you so she never have'ta haul yo ass back to this hospital eva' again"? Uh-uh, Max, Original Cindy just ain't that kinda messenger _

Max tries to brush it off. 

"It's okay, it's not your problem" _I'm sorry for doing that to you OC, really. But, I couldn't stay, and I knew you could deal _

Just then, Max's pager goes off & Max glances at it to check the number. Original Cindy gives it a meaning look. _One guess who that is _

"Is that Him?" _Mmm-hmm, who else would it be this hour? Boy just don't give up do he? _

"If you're serious about this you owe the man an explanation." Can't keep playin' this game Max, can't keep runnin' from him. Logan may be just a man, member of the three legged species & all that, but he's a **_good_** one. He don't deserve to be left hangin'. You shoulda' seen his face girl. Uh-uh, Original Cindy don't like the way this goin' down, not at all, not a bit. It's gonna be bad all around when it's over. No doubt, Original Cindy knows 'bout these things.

Max stares into OC's eyes. _God, I really don't want to, It's just so **hard**. But she's right. I mean, I'm doing this for him, he **deserves** to know what's going down_. _Right? Yes, of course he does. Aiight, so I'll give him an explanation, short & simple. Even if he doesn't like it. it's about what's best for **him**. Okay, Max, take a deep breath, you can do this_.

Max walks over to the pay phone on the wall, taking a moment to gather up her courage before dialing. In his penthouse Logan picks up the phone on the first ring because he was just waiting for her call. 

"Hi stranger" _Gotta keep your voice even. But playful. Just reassure her. It's okay Max _

At the sound of his voice, Max visibly tenses, grips the handset a little tighter, cradling it to her ear & nervously fiddles with the cord. She hesitates, her voice falters 

"Hi." _Hi? That's all?? How stupid can I get? No, I... I can't do this _

On his end Logan continues 

"You missed it, I wandered all over the hospital looking for you with the back of my gown open" _That's right, keep it light. But where the hell **were** you Max? I wake up & you're gone & none of Cindy's excuses were solid. Max? _

Max completely misses his attempt at humor

"Yeah. Uh, sorry about that, Listen-" _Just say it & get it over with. It's not so hard _

Logan wanders over to his computers & stands near a marker board, he cuts her off before she can continue

"I'm feeling pretty good actually, must be all that transgenic blood" _Nevermind Max, it's okay, I don't really want to know _

Max continues where she left off, unfazed by his interruption

"We need to talk" _My heart is racing so fast it hurts, feels like it's gonna burst. Just let me say it already Logan _

Logan turns to the marker board, completely ignoring her comment

"And you know, I pulled out an old board I had lying around, and put up all the doodlings I made at the bar the other night. It's kinda my uh, wide-screen version" _No Max. I know you better than you think, I know what you're thinking. And you're wrong. Don't say it. Don't._

Logan turns from the board & sits down at his computer as he talks & on her end Max tries to make him stop.

"Logan-" _Don't make this any harder than it has to be. I know you better than you think. I know what you're trying to do. Just don't _

Logan sits in front of his computer, finally stopping to listen to her as yet unspoken words.

"Don't Max" _You'll only hurt us more than you know and you'll regret it, you will. Please._

His words make her pause, but only for a second. Now that she has his attention...

"I can't do this anymore." _It's just, it's tearing me up inside, thinking what I could do to you. And I won't. I can't_.

A look of frustration crosses Logan's features & he tries to reason with her. 

"Look, I'm fine. Everything turned out okay." _I should've known you couldn't let it go, so stubborn. But, it really is okay Max. Please don't do this._

She shakes her head disbelievingly _Logan please just let me go this time. Stop making it so goddamned hard! Please. _ and tries her own reasoning.

"We got lucky. Again. I mean, how many miracles do you think we're gonna get?" _It's been three times already, this has to stop! There just can't be a next time Logan. I won't let it. _

"Do I get a vote? It is my life on the line." _This is a two person thing, you can't just decide for the both of us _

"So what, you end up dead & I get to spend the rest of my life knowing it was my fault" Then more softly, "I pass" _No Logan, this time it's my decision. It's my life too. I have to live with the consequences_.

"I've been where you are, remember?" His voice slightly falters, "Thinking it was all too hard..." _When I lost you once again to stupid circumstances, I saw my one chance, however temporary, yanked out of my hands..... it tore me up inside. _"...But I realized being away from you was worse" _To know you're nearby without seeing your face or even talking, is worse even then when I thought you were dead_

Max's face begins to crumble & she doesn't have any words to say. _Logan if you keep this up you'll convince me, I know you will. But you're wrong, you are. Just let me be the strong one this time. Let me let you go. Don't convince me Logan. Don't. Please don't._

"I have to hang up now."

_No!! _"Max-" _Just gotta keep her on the line, we'll fix this _

But Max hangs up, the line goes dead.

_There it's done you did what you had to do. The right thing. Why is it so hard Logan? It hurts. I wish I could just scream & cry & hit something. No, I have to be strong. Emotions are weakness. I just wish.... maybe someday Logan & I... No, hope is for losers. You did the right thing Max. You did! You did. Then why does it seem you're trying to convince yourself? _

_I told you not to say it Max, why did you do it? I told you not to_. 

At Jam Pony Max leans her forehead on the pay phone. At the penthouse, Logan slowly puts down his phone & stares at the wall in shock.

To Be Continued...

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A/N #2: So, how'm I doin? ME, sorry 'bout the button, I thought I had clicked it, I hate those things too, so annoying Thanx for lettin' me know, it's done now. Chiancat87, I know so far I haven't veered off from the original HG plotline at all other than to jump into the characters heads a little. But I will, next chp. Pari106, I think I did slightly better w/spelling this time, but who knows, maybe. _Anybody interested in being my beta? _

K, speak to me people. The button still calls to you. "Click Me, Click Me!"


	3. Frightening

A/N: Sorry 'bout the long wait, ya know how it is, too much to do, too little time. Plus, once it was done being written, I also had to wait for it to be edited, which takes time. But...while I was waiting I kept myself busy. Wrote another 'lil short story which will be up soon, M/L all the way and it's not angsty at all, it's actually happy, neither does it borrow from any actual episode like this one , it'll be out in a few days (* hint, hint, wink, wink*). I'm hoping the wait was worth it, I'm finally beginning to leave the H/G plotline, so it's beginning to take shape. This chapter goes out to my sis, though I know she will never read it. Jess, tell her it would've satisfied her weird little fetish, she would've pressed rewind & watched over & over had it happened on the show. K, anyways, just wanna say **_Thanx a Million _**to Niki & Jadaa for all your help w/editing my story. Will have more soon. K, I'm done now, on w/the story.

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~Chp. 3 "Frightening"~

I feel a burning in my eyes. I blink once, twice. And I realize I've been sitting here & staring at the clock on my wall for while now. Staring at it but not really seeing it, or anything else for that matter. My mind is racing. But it seems I'm stuck in repeat because all I can hear is Max's voice 

"_We need to talk" "I can't do this anymore" "can't" "I pass" "I have to hang up now" _

Over & over her words reverberate in my head, overlapping "Logan" "I can't do this anymore" "I can't" "I pass" "I can't" But no matter how many times I replay the conversation in my head I can't really seem to make myself believe that she meant it. That it's really over. All of it gone with one simple phone call. You can't make two entire years disappear that easily.

NO. She didn't mean it. I pushed her into it. I shouldn't have brought up her leaving from the hospital. I knew what she was thinking & still I brought it up when I didn't really want to know. God Logan you're such an idiot sometimes. You scared her! I know that's it. When Max get scared, when something hits to close to home she runs. I know that & still I pushed. Why couldn't I just keep the conversation light? Happy even? But... no matter what the reason, the truth is she _did_ say it. She did mean it. She wants this over. Done. Finished. 

And as much as I don't want to know that's what she wants, I can't **force** her to stay. Can't put her through that pain if something did happen to me. I've been through that kind of pain & I shouldn't be the one to put her through the same thing. I shouldn't. She's right. She is. And you always have to do what's right don't you Logan?

But, God Max, what about **me**? You may be able to step away. End it here before we go to far. But I can't let you go that easily. Can't just erase it all away like a simple mistake easily deleted on my screen. Because I don't think it _was_ a mistake. And I can't just erase all the memories either. 

She's not here but it's as if she was. Everything reminds me of her. Even sitting here at my desk surrounded by my computers brings to mind countless images of Max......Max standing before me with one hand on her hip & the other leaning against my desk as she tells me to stop working & make her something to eat instead..... Max leaning over my shoulder, her soft curls brushing against the side of my face as she peers at the screen while I work on the latest Eyes Only case..... Max yelling at me that she feels sorry for me if I think I was born to be the worlds most paranoid news reporter hiding behind my red, white & blue mask.....And more recently, Max simply standing at the doorway of my computer room regarding me with a small smile on her face, my own lighting up as I realize she's been watching me, content just to be near. 

I'm supposed to just forget all those memories? Dammit, I can't do this! I hurriedly stand up from my desk in some lame attempt at getting away from the memories. I suddenly hear a crash from the general direction of the kitchen and I realize I've thrown the phone across the room in frustration & anger. I'm not sure if the anger is directed at Max, myself or just the general shittiness of our circumstances, the downfall of our lives. I glance over at the phone. It didn't make any damage. It just bounced uselessly off of the clear glass wall separating the living room from the kitchen. The same wall that separated Max's fingers from mine as I stretched them out to her in an attempt to hold her, keep her from leaving that night after our attempt at a normal dinner was ruined by the virus. The goddamn virus. It always come back to the virus! I can't keep thinking anymore This is gonna kill me. I need something to calm me down. Strange how the actions of one single person can have so much effect on you. Frightening really.

I slowly walk into the kitchen trying to concentrate on nothing more than breathing. Inhale...Exhale. Simple enough. I find a bottle & pour into a glass not even bothering to check the label. All the while I'm fighting the memories that surround me and threaten to engulf me.

I move back into the living room only to find that it's even worse in there. I can't seem to escape the memories. .....Max's face filled first with utter disbelief, then delight as I stood for her for the first time, right here, were I'm standing now. I remember her beautiful smile that went straight to her her dark eyes and lit them up, and my own smile as I reveled in the feeling of being able to finally look down at her instead of up. Then, as I sit I remember Max sitting in this same exact spot in nothing but my red terry bathrobe, staring out the window at the rain, then turning to look right at me as if she could see right through my eyes to my mind. I look over at the empty armchair and see Max nervously sitting across from me sipping champagne on our anniversary last year. Looking down at the floor I try not to remember the feel of Max's full lips on mine, the honey sweet taste of her mouth, mixture of cherry lip gloss & champagne. The silky softness of her curls as my hand tightened in her hair when she leaned in to deepen the kiss. Only our second kiss. It all happened here in this very room. The emotions that the memories bring back threaten to swallow me whole. Who would've thought we'd end up like this? A whole year wasted, then when we finally could've gotten somewhere so many things just got in the way, & now this . The pain is too much. I don't want to cry. Don't want to become the wreck that I did after Val. I won't. Although, this runs so much deeper, hurts so much more. Still, I need to get my mind off of all this, collect my thoughts. Maybe music will help get my mind off her. Then I'll think of something to do.

I scan my collection of CD's . Sibelius catches my eye but I know w that would only serve to remind me of that day in the car on the way to the cabin & then the kiss. No, music is out. Most of my collection is classical, it would only serve to depress me. It's not that I don't like other types of music, I do, but I got rid of most of it after Val left, it reminded me of her, & now I need it to not think of Max, how ironic.

I turn back to my computer room again, seeking out the solace that work has always provided me. Even when I thought Max was dead, working was the only thing that helped numb the pain if only a little. But as I boot up the computer I realize that this is worse, then at least I had a purpose & a little hope to hang on to. Now there is no hope. Max just broke up with me. Her words threaten to start repeating themselves in my head all over again & my desperate eyes fall on a CD lying forgotten in a corner of my desk. I pick it up. It's a collection of songs burned off the internet, a mix of both older pre-pulse stuff & newer, edgier tunes. A leftover from a long ago forgotten project one rainy night when Max was bored, either before or after settling down to a game of chess, I can't remember. Neither do I really remember what's on it, but what I do know is it's guaranteed not to be slow, calm, or depressing. Most of the songs where hand picked by Max & depressing music isn't really her thing. So, against my better judgment, but giving in to curiosity I decide to play it. 

On a whim I carry it over to the CD player in my living room rather than listening to it on my pc. The first few songs are just as I expected. Happy, upbeat, edgy, not usually my thing, but definitely what I need now. Just the thing to blend with my previously forgotten wine & soothe away the tension. The rhythm & lyrics of the music crash together, effectively blocking my mind of more painful subjects. Then the track changes & my heart constricts at the familiar sound of the melancholy guitar chords now flowing out of my speakers & washing over me. Then the words begin......

You & me

We used to be together

Every day together. Always

I close my eyes as I think of Max and the ache starts deep inside.

I really feel   
That I'm losing my best friend   
I can't believe  
This could be the end   
It looks as though you're letting go   
And if it's real   
Well I don't want to know

It's been a long time since I last heard this song, and as the singers voice continues it seems more & more like she's reading my thoughts, my feelings.

Don't speak   
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining   
Don't tell me cause it hurts   
Don't speak   
I know what you're thinking   
I don't need your reasons   
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
  
Our memories   
Well, they can be inviting   
But some are altogether   
Mighty frightening   


Unbidden, all the memories come rushing right back as I knew they would. 

As we die, both you and I   
With my head in my hands   
I sit and cry   


The song continues and I just let go. Wallowing in **all **my memories of Max. Both good & bad, from the beginning when she first broke in through my skylight down to the last more painful months I'd never the less cherished, and now...

It's all ending   
I gotta stop pretending who we are... 

As the music slows the last of my defenses break down. My carefully crafted walls of resolve crumble and unwanted tears make their way out of my still tightly closed eyes, down my cheeks & further down to drip and mix with the few drops of wine left in my glass.   


You and me I can see us dying...are we? 

Don't Speak...

The song continues drowning me further in thoughts of Max before slowly fading out & drawing to a close.

...oh I know what you're thinking   
And I don't need your reasons   
I know you're good,   
I know you're good,   
I know you're real good   
  
Don't, Don't. Hush, hush darlin'   
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush   
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts   
Hush, hush...

Before the track can change I press repeat, I refill my glass. And so the hours pass. Before I know it nightfall has come. I feel drained. The CD player is silent now, result of a brown out sometime during the afternoon, leaving me alone to realistically analyze my thoughts & feelings. It was strangely cathartic. I finally rise from the couch & head for the shower. I'm out in less than five minutes, a decision reached. I have to talk to Max. I know she doesn't want this any more than I do. She can't. And I can't just let her slip away, as I know she will, if I don't do something. We're both too stubborn for our own good, especially when we think we're right, so I _have _ to make the move to set this straight! 

I pick up my phone, but change my mind, I won't be able to convince her over the phone any better today than yesterday. She'll just hang up again. No, I have to talk to her in person. I think of waiting till morning but still I grab my keys & head for her apartment, knowing she won't be asleep despite the late hour, not Max. I get into the beat up old Aztec, rush out of the garage, practically burning rubber. This can't wait, knowing the way things usually turn out with us, if I wait, some new obstacle will come up, keep us apart. I have to go now, change her mind before it's too late.

...Don't speak. I know what you're thinking.

And I don't need your reasons. Hush, hush darlin'.

Hush, hush darlin'.....

A/N: Starting to finally take off no? How you like? (Niki, don't know if ya noticed, added another memory 'cuz I'd forgotten it when I originally wrote it, thought it needed to go there, what ya think all knowing wise one?) Give me some wisdom my people. Tell me how I did. Quickly now before the button begins to call to you.


	4. Just a Message

**__**

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!!!!! I hate it when writers make you think they've updated a story, you bring the page up on your screen all excited... & it's just a message. But really, I think under the circumstances it was warranted, K? Le'mme explain.

A few days ago I received a Review Alert in my inbox. And whattaya know.... {//Flashback: she begins to jump up and down, dancing in circles all around the room before crashing into her computer, knocking down her keyboard, and finally landing back in her chair to resume typing//} (in singsong voice) "Somebody's reading my fi-ic! Somebody's reading my fi-ic!!!!!"**

So, it was brought to my attention that it's been about **_two months _**since I last updated! Not from lack of interest, or even trying, truly. But life gets in the way. Too much work to do, too little time, yadda-yadda-yadda, yackety-smackety, blah-blah, woof-woof. Also I'm having trouble thinking of how to get the story to where I want it. It was originally gonna be just a one chapter thing (the one that became the 3rd chp.) but the words just wouldn't come, until I went backwards & then the words just wrote themselves, hence the first two chapters. So, once I got to where I meant to go I kinda got stuck. Still I have every intention of continuing, making it a little less angsty, perhaps even happy? But It's the happy part that has me drawing a blank... Does this mean I'm a deppressive mental case? Hmmmm..... Seems deppressive's what I do best. Oh well I can try. Any help, insight or ideas would be greatly, **_greatly_** appreciated. Like alot, alot, alot!! Either way, I will try to churn something out by the end of this month *grins* , though I'm really, really aiming for sooner. K?

Anyway, just wanted to let y'all know I haven't abandoned my story. The supply of M/L fics is severely depleted, I know. And if any of you guys is like me, you will be suffering withdrawal symptoms soon if ya don't get a fix. To that end I do have a small offering. On Tuesday morning (I hope) soon's I get home from work, I will be posting the first chp. to my new M/L fic "Midnight Interludes". If anybody's interested, stay tuned..... 'Till Then. 

The Eyes

P.S. Oh, and one more thing, does anybody have any clue how to change the summary when you update a story? I keep trying & I can't. It's making me crazy!!!

**Thank You, Angelbebe! You made my day. Though of course me being the horrible procrastinator that I am, I did nothing about it 'till today. 


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